Thursday, July 6, 2017

Sure, but can you snort a s'more?

Photo by GlitterandFrills via Flickr

I feel a little sick. It's July 6, so I'm not surprised. July 4, in case you weren't aware, is S'mores Day. I look forward to S'mores Day all year. It's the only day on which I can eat s'mores without feeling like I'm being ridiculous. Seriously. It would be like baking a cake for no reason. You can't just bake a cake in the middle of the week and eat it! You bake cakes for special occasions. And you light the grill (or let's admit it, turn on the broiler in the oven because you're too lazy and it's too hot to go outside) to toast marshmallows and slide them onto graham crackers and Hershey's chocolate bars on special occasions, too. Actually, only one special occasion: Independence Day.

That's right. Americans celebrate fireworks, bbqs, s'mores, and rebellion on July 4.

Before I get into the meat of the thing, an aside. Did you know that there are people who only use 1/4 of a Hershey bar on their s'mores? That's just not right. It even says on the 6-pack of Hershey bars that you are supposed to use an entire half of a bar per s'more. And I am nothing if not a rule follower.

The proper cracker to chocolate ratio

And even worse, some people don't like chocolate at all! I know, I know, it's unfathomable. So much so that dear Hubs believes that anyone who says she doesn't like chocolate is lying, trying to get a hipster.

So, one such person asked on her Facebook page if it would be okay to have s'mores without the chocolate. Most responses were what you'd expect--of the 'are you out of your mind?' variety. But I said that I often have s'mores without the marshmallow. It's true, on July 5 and 6, when you've got a few Hershey bars and a pack of graham crackers leftover and you really don't want to heat up the broiler (it's not July 4 anymore, after all) why not just make a chocolate sandwich? Am I right?

Not only that, most days, when you think about it, I have s'mores without the marshmallow and the graham crackers! So, who's to say you can't have them without the chocolate?

This, unfortunately, put ideas into my head.

On July 4 I had two s'mores. (That's one whole Hershey bar.) Then, on July 5, yesterday, I had two s'mores again because...leftovers. And later in the day...I saw the big bag of marshmallows on the table, just going to waste. Marshmallows don't last long in Florida. They were already starting to stick together. Something had to be done. (Not that I'm afraid to throw food out. I do it all the time. Even the faintest hint of it being old and it's in the trash.) And there were leftover graham crackers there, too.

So, well, I didn't want to turn on the broiler...again. So, I just grabbed some grahams and some marshmallows and went to town.

Oh. My. Gawd.

So good. But why wouldn't it be? I basically sat down and ate sugar.

And now I feel sick.

What's my point? It's this: somebody has invented snortable chocolate.

That's right. You snort it. Like cocaine. Like the frickin' drug that it is.

So, you could get your chocolate without the nausea, right? But what's the point? Why would you want to do that? Smelling chocolate is great, sure, when you're about to eat it. But snorting it? Where's the ooey gooey part? Where's the part where your mouth is full of chocolate and you close your eyes and smile and know that if you eat that entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream* you'll wake up in the morning with a headache and upset stomach?

What's the point of chocolate if you can't make yourself sick with it? That's what I want to know.

*There are a laughable 4 servings in a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. Ridiculous. It's at best 1 and 1/4 servings. I know, because I usually eat 3/4 of it, leaving the last 1/4 for the next day over which I have to scoop some extra ice cream to make another full serving. Anyway, there are 1,040 calories in a pint of B&JCFB ice cream.Snort that!

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