Friday, April 19, 2013

I saw the sign, and that's about it...

My own personal picture of Two Egg.

Do you remember the days when you'd take a long trip in the car and you'd have a huge paperback atlas of maps, big as a newspaper, but thick as a novel? And you'd open it up and trace your progress along the route with your finger? You knew which cities were coming up next and which roads you'd pass. Those were the days, weren't they? You always knew where you were.

It was in those days, and because of them, that I learned about Two Egg, Florida. Everybody wants to know now, how I ever heard of Two Egg. I saw it on the map when I didn't have anything else to do on a long trip. And I knew that one day, I would go to Two Egg. Just to see what was there.

I can tell you what's there: nothing.

My husband and I drove up to Alabama last weekend to visit a grave. It was one of the coolest things I've done lately. To get there, we drove up the middle of Florida to Tallahassee and then over into the panhandle and into another time zone. Then straight up to Dothan.

The middle of Florida is like a different state than what we have here on the Space Coast. It's got rolling green hills, farmlands, and wildflowers. I half expected to see mountains in the distance. But once you get so far up there, it turns back into flat no-man's land, just like home.

So, Dothan Alabama turned out to be a lot like my city--maybe bigger. We drove over to Webb to see the pitiful cemetery and the tombstone I was interested in. Then we spent the rest of the day visiting monuments nearby and the Tri-State BBQ Festival.

West of Dothan, in Enterprise, there's a monument to the boll weevil. A monument. To a bug.

There it is, right in the middle of the street.

Apparently, the boll weevil destroyed all the cotton crops and if that hadn't happened, they'd never have started growing peanuts and got all rich. So, all hail the boll weevil. I certainly hope they aren't that large.

I expected the festival to be spectacular, but again, it was just like the ones we have here. Nothing much to see. It was interesting to see the competitors who travel the country in their trailors, all wedged in together, drinking beer, and watching their cookers.

According to the brochure they gave us at the gate, Myron Mixon of BBQ Pitmasters was supposed to be there this year. But we walked up and down the competitor trailors and we didn't see him anywhere.

On the way back home, we took our detour into Two Egg. Our GPS didn't know what we were talking about, so I had to use my phone to find a nearby town it would recognize. Then we followed the directions I found on the Internet into Two Egg. My husband stopped the car at the Two Egg sign and I was like, "I should take a picture?" I'm forever grateful to him for suggesting it, because that was pretty much it. That was Two Egg.

We drove down the road until we came to another sign, for the next little practically nonexistant town. We were in and out before we realized what happened. We turned around and drove back through, taking a side road (the only other paved one) north to see if the town was down that way, but after several miles we went back to the main road.

From there, we traveled a series of orange dirt roads looking for Two Egg and we never found it. When we got home there was orange dirt inside the car.

According to the website, Two Egg has an historic downtown. But they certainly don't want anyone to find it. I had no signal on my phone in Two Egg, so I got no more help...not that the website would have helped me anyway. We followed the directions we had and they brought us to the sign.

So, that's it.

That's all there is to see here, folks. Move along.

Monday, April 1, 2013

The Easter Sunday blood and gore Peeps diorama competition...

The results are in! The first ever Easter Sunday Peeps diorama competition was a raucous test of skill, creative use of trash, and how well we all know our family. Yes, that last one played a very significant role in the voting. (And I was surprised!)

Teams were formed voluntarily and had one hour to use what they could find in my craft box (and apparently around the house and garage) to create a shadow box featuring Peeps. Because we don't eat them here...we mangle them for art. Team members were not allowed to vote.

In third place: Entry number two, with two votes. Team Jeffrey, Jo-Ann, Katie, Michael, and Miriam. Also now known as the girlie, all-smiley team!

Title: Peeps!

We were told that the original idea was to make the Peeps into the Beatles. We ended up with a band of long-haired Peeps on a nicely built stage (Michael's handiwork) and an audience of rubber duckies. Yes, I had a package of rubber duckies in my craft box. Who doesn't? The guitar player up front is actually playing a miniature skate board.

Well done, losers!

In second place: Entry number three, with a total of I can't remember how many votes and they're in the trash now so we'll say four. Team Matthew and Travis.

Title: Alien abduction

Excellent use of construction paper to create a tractor beam lifting the straw-hatted, backwoods yahoo into the alien ship! This entry held up well despite a few voters' attempts to reach in and "fix" things or make the space ship "fly."

And...drumroll, please...

The WINNER of the First Ever Easter Sunday Peeps Diorama Competition at the Narciso's House IS...ddddddddddddddddddd...

Entry number one. Team Danny and Anthony. Six votes.

Title: Blood is the Best Fertilizer

Let me axe you a question.

Yes, folks. It's Easter Sunday at the Narciso house and my two oldest boys hacked off the head of one Peep and slit the other's skull open with a hatchet. Excellent use of red feathers for blood.

I'm so proud.